okay. so we've got the randy machine and gord's mazda of death. chantelle has norman. even lance has sputnik 56 or gorbachev or putingradshlov or whatever the hell the stupid space ship he's being shot off into orbit in is called. and me? what do i have?

a blue car.

a neon, actually. and i mean, don't get me wrong. my car is quite pretty [and still smells new, despite being seriously in need of a good vacuuming] and is a beautiful hue [patriot blue, to be specific]... but it lacks personality. why? because i've neglected to christen it with a name. of course, us being the drunken boors we turn into while in a bar [us being myself and the remaining members of after-3--YEAH!] came up with the name dewey [after dewey from malcom in the middle, of course] on new year's eve, after countless monkey's lunches [them] and tequila sunrises [me]. i think there were more than a few paralyzers and gladiators thrown in there as well, but i digress. the point remains that when i sobered up, i realized that my car is simply not a dewey. it just... isn't.

so i've tried masking it for a while. i called it kirby upon a whim, and whenever somebody asks me what my car's name is, that's what i'll tell them. but i'm lying. now, i'm not lying because kirby isn't his name [after all, to everybody but elaina--who insists on calling it dewey--my car IS kirby], but because i don't call it kirby in refrence. or when i go over a rough bump, i don't pat the dashboard and say "ooh, sorry kirby!" like i would if that was its name.

so my car is nameless! it has no identity as it sits outside here at work, and i stare at it all pretty in the sunlight. okay, its actually not pretty at all and quite covered with dust and mud and spring crap, but that's besides the point. people treat their cars as their sidekicks... a minion in some cases, an equal and trusty friend in others. and what's mine? an enigma. something that is nothing.

oh woe! the drama is too much to bear! but wow that took up a lot of work time! well, 5 minutes. whatever. its been a long afternoon folks, thank god its home time in an hour.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

i've been so tired as of late! so so so tired! and i almost forgot about my friday five... almost, but not quite.

1. If you could eat dinner with and "get to know" one famous person (living or dead), who would you choose? either one of my boyfriends, sean biggerstaff or todd babiak. i mean, hello, he grew up here! where i've lived all my life!! his family still lives here! he's hotter than hell and he has the job i want! and he has my sense of humour! [on a review of the teen comedy 'slackers': Like last year's Freddy Got Fingered and Tomcats, Slackers is one more bit of proof that at least a few Hollywood studios are including daily bong-hits in their executives' benefits packages]. i could go on with the !!!!!!!

2. Has the death of a famous person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel? uh, not really. i mean, its sad and all... but you know? although i do remember being saddened upon hearing about diana's death... because, well, her life was just so hard, you know?

3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you choose? i'd be zac hanson because then i'd be one FINE PIECE OF ASS! or i would be janet, 'cause then i'd have a body to die for. and mad talent. and one psycho sibling. okay, many psycho siblings. whatever. and then lance would want to have sex with me... heeheeheehee. i mean, not that he doesn't already... ::flips hair:: ::hurts neck:: moving on...

4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? Who? J-LO! what, are you new around here?

5. Have you ever met anyone famous? i have met finger eleven, vertical horizon and big wreck [assholes]. i've had daniel johns call me a fucking idiot [heh-heh-heh-heh] and i've spoken to scott vickaryous on the phone [yes it was him, he was at the radio station and i got through so it wasn't some random dude phoning me up asking me what colour panties i had on as he pretended to be scott... and it wasn't any crappy on air 23 second small talk either... it was at least 10 minutes of much laughter and me gargling water because pog can be lame at the best of times].

and i think that's it.

so they're trying to ban vibrators somewhere down in the states. what a bunch of complete crock. you KNOW that men are only doing it because they're threatened, right?? i mean, who can stand up to something that, ahem, never goes down? i mean, how ludicrus can we get? seriously. it is a women's right to satisfy herself [if she feels so compelled], so what is the big deal? if they ban vibrators, they have to ban porn. if women can't get off, neither can men.

i mean, i don't have a vibrator myself, so this is of no real concern to me... but maybe one day? who knows.

aside that, i touched up my essay. and finished my little mini-bio and permission form... here's hoping i get published!!

sorry i'm late, but at least i'm getting it done.

friday five

1. What is your favorite time of year? ummm... i love each season for so many reasons. i'm so glad i live here in alberta and get to experience each season to its fullest.

2. What is it about your favorite season that, well, makes it your favorite season? oh, the smell of the air in the springtime, that fresh breeze that washes that dull, winter ache away... in the summer, the bright sunshine and clear skies, the garden blooming and the flowers that smell so good, being able to be outside 20 hours per day... in the fall the crisp air that goes so well with hot chocolate and pumpkin pie, halloween, breaking out the mittens and the mid-season jacket [not quite a parka, definately not a windbreaker]... and in the winter, the glorious thick snow that makes everything look so clean, and when there's a lot of snow and i look out my window with a cup of tea, i'm so nice and warm and the world is a cozy place.

3. What is your least favorite time of year? Why? n/a, see above

4. Do you do anything to celebrate or recognize the changing of seasons? not particularly, but i do like to start checking out next season's fashions asap [not that i always follow them---or am able to afford them---its just something i enjoy doing]. and i think about vacations i could take to places that are beautiful during whatever time of year i'm getting into. but yeah.

5. What's your favorite thing to do outside? oh, just laze around and read when its warm out... camp, play baseball or frisbee or anything like that... prefrably something contact, like contact badminton, lol. or football. just take my dog for a walk and admire the surroundings.

i wrote my whole essay last night. in 5 hours. with only one edit. i got no sleep. and how reading this doesn't even faze me.

i am a living version of dude, where's my car? 'cause yeah, i'm that cool. dumbass,.

i mean, why would they do something nice for a change? they never have before! and why would i take it upon myself to look? duh.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay get to sleep in tomorrow. yay have to do wash! i'm cheering over wash? but i REALLY NEED CLEAN CLOTHES. i need new clothes.

i had a point earlier. all is forgotten. doing good in english. doing all right in english is probably more accurate... finish essay tomorrow night. I CAN DO IT. YEAAAAAAAH!

haaaaaahahahaha wood just said balls... heeheeeheeheeeeeee

yeah! if you go to mugglenet they have a ton of audio clips... and they have the WHOLE oliver wood [sean "i'm a goddamned scottish hottie" biggerstaff] scene! all 1 minute and 40 seconds! YEAH!

i shouldn't work out so late at night. it makes me hyper. and i won't sleep. and i have to freaking finish my harry potter article for the mac jo... oh yeah, nobody at chapters was any help at all. bastards. i'm working with all i've got...

Death, deceit, theft and law-breaking—John Grisham, eat your heart out.

There’s a new guy in town. He may not wield a briefcase, or have even attended law school for that matter. But Harry Potter can hold his own against the likes of Grisham and many other best selling authors.

not bad... definately not my best, but when i'm given no information to work with, well, what can you do?

okay, now i'm getting sleepy. bah.

and OH! it was coooooooold inside today! hahahaha, talk to chantelle. ask her what she thought of candace's reaction. holy ice queen much? TERRIBLY sorry. i didn't realize that she OWNED the wal-mart, you see. silly me was under the assumption that ANYBODY was allowed into it, but aparrently not. note to self--only bitches allowed in wal-mart for future refrence.

haaaaaahaha. going to bed now.

as i sit here at work, duly avoiding actually doing anything while i stuff my face full of cheddar mini rice cakes, i decided to bestow my friday five upon the world.

1. What's your favorite animal? oooohhh, does a unicorn count? if not, let me think... uh probably giraffes 'cause they're so tall and i'm so not, heh-heh. or something like a tiger or snow tiger, they're so majestic and powerful. OH! oh oh oh oh OH! the ugly birds wandering all over the place at the calgary zoo! i love those things!

2. What pets have you had in your lifetime? i've had a few goldfish that i got for my birthday one year [i think i was about 11 or so, i named them smartie and kit-kat] and then jason had a whole bunch of fish [including frank, who for the longest time just wouldn't die] and now we have gryph, our little mutt of a dog.

3. Is there any specific pet that you've wanted but never had? Why? i used to want a bird, but i don't anymore. besides that, nothing really... although it would be wicked cool to have a beluga or an orca whale... or even a dolphin to call my own. i mean, i wouldn't keep it in a kiddie pool in my back yard or anything, but you know, if i went into the ocean and had a "special whistle" i could blow and then my pet would come and we'd frolic in the waves together... okay, if i wasn't the lamest person in the world before that statement...

4. Are you allergic to any animals? not that i know of

5. Do you have any 'pet' pet peeves (your pets or others')? when my dog poops on the floor and then eats it--that's just disgusting. ummm... when people let their big-ass dogs run around without leashes so they can attack my little dog [i realize that he is smaller than most field mice, that still doesn't give you the right to try and eat him, especially when he has a leash on damnit!].

now seriously, where in the hell is elaina? she's been MIA all freaking week!

i'm going to have a tv show. andreas and i decided it so. the title?

damn i'm amazing.

watch for it, this fall. syndicated nation-wide. starring me, the dude that drove the van on news radio and the person that does the voice for patti and selma from the simpsons.

wednesday nights at 9:30. on fox. they'll play anything.

mud-luscious. what a beautiful, wonderful use of language. i mean, language is ours to use and abuse and so few of us actually do that to our full potential. we can mash it up and thow it in a pot, stir vigorously and then bake for 20 minutes and get some abnormal, yet completely wonderous, piece of literature. or we can play by the rules and use common [dare i say possibly even prim?] words, yet rapturous descriptions can result.

look at me, blathering on like some sort of pompus english or creative writing major. damn. that's what i want to be. it is far too late at night for a class that i had 16 hours ago to still be affecting me so profoundly.

we do not live our lives with the soul purpose of making them miserable. i do not set out in my day with the aim to make things go wrong for them, nor do either of my brothers. i wish they would stop acting like everything is their fault, because it couldn't be further from the truth. i know people who had far more abstract [a nicer way of saying fucked up] up-bringings than we did, and they have turned out just fine. their senses of humour are a bit odd, true, but they are whole people. fine. nothing important is missing. they're fully functional.

what they do need to do is lighten up. a lot. a whole fuck load lots. while granted, yes, we're idiots much of the time... that is growing up. let us deal with it. who hasn't skipped a few classes? and come close to [if not completely] failed a class? i'm sorry we're not living up to the expectations they had set up for us, perhaps in hopes of living vicariously through our supposed [and expected] triumphs?

chill out. things will get better. honest. i'm not saying this from experience, because everybody knows that i'm not near old enough to even have "life experience", let alone this sort of experience. but they are not the first to have to deal with this, definately not the last. it will pass.

on another note, STEP OFF BITCH. i'm really goddamned sick of her condescending, holier-than-thou attitude. holy chip the size of the entity formerly known as russia on her shoulder much?? all i did was say hi. i mean, the bitchiness is a given [like i expected more from her?] but it should not--for good measure i'm just going to repeat not--be directed at me. it was a one-sided relationship for so many fucking months that when i finally started putting in the same amount of effort that she did, it suddenly becomes all my fault. uh... how's that go again? yeah, i don't get it either. i hope she gets pregnant.

grrrr that wasn't nice. but goddamnit, neither is she.

so many things i want to write, so much stuff i have to do, so little time.

argh. essay... shit. when's that due again?

with the kind of dry scratchiness that my eyes possess [that blissfully fades the second i let my eyes slip shut for a moment] and the way my body just plain aches, one would tend to think i was hungover. wouldn't they? well i'm not, but i'd almost prefer one... i mean, at least then i'd have reason to hurt like this. i mean, my head isn't pounding and i don't feel sick and queasy, but i just kind of feel like i've been run over repeatedly by several dozen rabid children on bikes or something. maybe it was 'cause there was so much smoke at the bar and i did so much standing but no moving, which always causes my bad knees to hurt worse. you know? aside that though, i'm fine. i had a good time... i think i would have had a better time had i been able to drink more [à la chantelle and elaina] though.

NO I'M NOT CONDONING DRINKING JUST TO GET DRUNK or anything, so don't go thinking that. but as elaina said "lyn! your friends are kind of boring!" well... the ones that we were seated with were a tad, uh, introverted... and the ones that weren't [or were drunk off of their asses] were nowhere to be seen. dude, that place was packed, but not rumjungle packed. and a lot younger than most places that we frequent [if you could even call it that]. a lot of smoking though, that's why my chest hurts. and oh, oh oh oh, they played wicked, wicked music. that was the fucking best part, hearing the strokes and singing as loudly as i could 'cause nobody could hear me, heh-heh-heh-heh. at any rate, it was quite enjoyable. i'd go again in a second.

wheee shopping tomorrow and getting my stories done and YAAAAAAY its all good. i'm so glad chantelle is back. so happy that elaina is home. YAY!

the highlight of everyone's week [i'm sure, hahahaha], the friday five.

1. What makes you homesick? oh god, thinking about my puppy [who really isn't a puppy anymore, but oh well]. seriously, the whole time i was in rocky with elaina and misty i cried and whined about how i missed my dog. pathetic, no?


2. Where is "home" for you? Is it where you are living now, or somewhere else (ie: Mom & Dad's house, particular state/city)? well considering i've lived in the same town [and only 2 houses] my whole life i'd have to say exactly where i am now.


3. What makes it home for you? People? Things? that feeling you get of comfort and warmth when you're someplace... unless i'm comfortable, there's no way i'm sticking around to call it home.


4. Where is the furthest you've been from home, miles-wise? hmph, i'd prefer kilometers, but whatever. these are american questions, i suppose i'll answer them the amerian way. the farthest i've been is 645 miles away from home. and just for kicks, that equals 1038 km.


5. What are your plans for this weekend? yay for leanne's birthday tonight at the stonehouse! then tomorrow its work [and finish some stories!] and then go drink my face off [and eat spinach and/or artichoke dip] with chantelle at elaina's house tomorrow night and then sunday shop and possibly fit some homework in there.

i need to shower... i feel all kind of gross and stuff. i hate it when i have a full school day [meaning i start before noon and have more than one class in the afternoon] and then have to come straight to work, 'cause i can't freshen up and i feel all kind of gross and greasy. ugh. but i spent my spending money for the month and bought some more eyeshadow [humid incase anybody is wondering], a black shirt and some perfume and some cute sparkly earrings.

but back to my point, i really need a shower. ha, people have been telling me that for years.

its cooooooooooooooooold outside!

tra-la-la... no school for me today.

and none tomorrow. heh-heh-heh-heh the weather is simply horrendous though, shit. it was hardly worth driving through that for an hour of class. pffft, i'd rather fail. i mean, there is a no-tow policy still in effect... so if you hit the ditch, good on you. you aren't getting out. you can't phone, they won't answer. even the fucking cops are just riding around and doing not a helluva lot. at least as far as i can tell.

and that said, the roads are atrocious and the highway completely avoided when necessary... but honestly. people will always be completely retarded [and then some] when driving. there is always going to be that fuck-nut or two... or ten... who is going to disobey the speed limit and drive like a mainiac. if you're going to drive stupid, OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO HIT THE DITCH. there's a newsflash for you. duh. people piss me off!

why doesn't everyone take a page from my book and take the day off? man. as long as it clears up by friday.

ooooh shit guys. i ate way too much today. and no, not way too much in that sick, thin-obsessed, image-conscious way of eating too much... i simply mean that i ate too much and now i feel like i'm going to explode.

mmmmm. yummy mental images.

they played hanson last night at neon bowling. because i was the most sober one there [well, close to], i sang along loudly. and because i was one of the about 4 of us there under the age of 25, nobody else had even heard of them, so it doesn't matter.

i wish i had something profound to say... alas, i don't. what else is new??

omg, as if snl last night didn't kick ass... i'm in love with that dude. you know, the guy who hosted it! the dinner roll man! jonny moseley... and ugh, he's almost 30. ha, he's older than wes. oh! speaking of...

oh. my. GOD. lonnie said that he went back to school to become a teacher. HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA.

yeahno. i'm certain that he was lying, the as if that makes the mental image less amusing.

i'm really psyched about my upcoming school assignments. i mean, i have yet to sit and put some real effort into them... but my upcoming english essay [the magazine one notwithstanding] is going to be written from lord voldemort's [yes, of harry potter fame] point of view... and my "real men wear tights" speech... plus our cheesy-ass group presentation in reporting class... if i didn't hate school so much, you'd swear that i almost liked it. or something.

HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAH gisty glowing boobs... hahahahahhahahahahaha... that sounds like the name of the leader of some sort of weird fetish tribe or something, hahahahahaha.... haaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha

hmmm. have been in a major flap for the past few days because my beloved white american eagle t-shirt has done a disappearing act... you know, my cool one with the silver studs and orange and red writing that i bought for the nickelback show that i didn't end up going to. and i really really wanted to find it so i could wear it tonight... but now i'm reconsidering.

we're going neon bowling, right? and the shirt is white. the last thing i need is for my bra to glow through my already will be glowing t-shirt... they'll call me glowing boobs. i don't need more harassment than i already recieve.

wear the red? hmmm... or maybe the orange... or, ha, i could also wear the red [a different red]... not that i'm turning this into an advertisement for american eagle... or giving everyone a show of my wardrobe...

of course, it doesn't really matter 'cause if i start drinking i'll probaby end up flashing everyone anyhows. then my boobs will really glow, have you ever seen my snow white complexion??

all behold the friday five:

1. What's your favorite vacation spot? i've never been on a *real* vacation... but that resort-type place that we went to for our grade 11 retreat was amazing. the view, the weather and ohmigod the food... i don't think i've ever eaten anything better in my whole life. and i'm quite sure that the 26km walk we did that day had nothing to do with that. [no really, 'cause people who didn't go on the walk--like my mom--agreed on the amazingness of the dinner] otherwise, i think that hawaii, london or jasper... 'cause when i was allowed to go outside there, it was incredible.

2. Where do you consider to be the biggest hell-hole on earth? millet, haaaaaaaaaahahaha. uh, the warburg hockey arena. innisfail [pssssssst---hey elaina! that's by red deer! any connection?] and school most days.

3. What would be your dream vacation? london because damnit, just because. i cannot wait until i have the money to travel and go places, because there is one of my first stops. after that, i'd like to hit italy and go to these resort and spa places [i read about them in british cosmo ]... but i'm still fixated with the rockies, so just a cabin with a lot of food, firewood, ice cream and music would be absolutely amazing. oh, maybe a little booze too. =)

4. If you could go on a road-trip with anyone, who would it be and why? elaina and misty... need i explain why? we're the remaining memebers of after-3. WE ARE SURVIVORS! uh, anyhows... yeah, elaina and misty. i think that's it. oooh, jenn. jenn too.

5. What are your plans for this weekend? uh, i'm gonna try to sneak in a quick mac visit, but then its movies tonight [either lord of the rings, black hawk down or the royal tenenbaums... i held out for gosford park, but nobody was having it] and tomorrow i'm going bowling with everyone... was invited to some bar [blues on whyte, i think] from a girl at school... but i don't like her too much, and i don't think any of my other buddies are going, so i'm just going to skip that one me thinks. and then sunday, sleep in and then do some major essay work, article research and outlining... and hey, maybe coffee with chantelle! she is back home, after all.