::cries:: ::sobs:: ::bawls:: ::chokes::

::cries more::

i am the fucking stupidest person ever. absolutely, ever, of all fucking time. ever. i cannot believe myself. i am EIGHT-FUCKING-TEEN years old. and i phoned a boy and hung up on him.

i deserve to be alone.

holy shit.

no, let me rephrase that.

HOLY SHIT.

!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there. that's better.

so yeah. i'm ass tired and have an article due tomorrow. have i started it yet? noooooooo!!!! that's why i'll get up early and do it. or something like that. i promise.

so yeah. look at the people i work with. its any wonder i'm the way i am??






yeah. click if you want to make him bigger. but do you really want to do that?

its just like this never ending spiral of inadequacy... the intensity lessens and worsens, but it's usually always there. i mean, i never think i'm the worst at something--ever. is that a bad thing? possibly, but i'm a teenager. we're overflowing with self-love and narcicssm. well, maybe that's an over-generalization, but i'm sure you know what i'm getting at. but really, my point is that although i know i'm not the worst at anything (except maybe golf and chess, but that's cool with me, 'cause i still like to play golf regardless), i know that i still can suck. and suck hardcore.

take this, for instance. there's no counter on here so i have no idea who all comes to read it, and that's fine. and have you ever noticed that i have to make this point every 3 weeks or so, without fail? just a reality check, i suppose. for when i see people who are far more talented than i sitting around and moaning that they have no talent, well, it kind of makes me choke. they are---without any shadow of a doubt---far more talented than i. that comes off as extremely concieted, i know, but i don't mean it like that. i mean it like i don't usually ever feel that down about my self or, so those who are so incredibly full of talent and passion should most definately not feel bad about themselves!

so everyone who feels bad or inadequate or like they aren't living up to their potential---don't. you're amazing. trust me.

its snowy. i love it. what don't i love? the winter driving. highways are hell right now. this is awful. makes me scared to drive on my own. 'cause i mean, hell, i almost killed myself on black gold drive and that's right behind my friggin' house!

anyhows, yes. pictures. god yes pictures. some of them are going to be SO GOOD! i'm going to have a million and ten each of brad and lonnie---i could do a presentation on the two of them alone, i swear. the one i took today... wow. now i need to get some better *action* shots of the salesmen, and i'll have to persuade wes to loosen up and let me take some *fun* (heh-heh-heh-heh---HAHAHAHAHAHA!! ::sighs:: oh yeah) shots of him. jackie will be no problem. and then school people and it will all be good.

ALL BE GOOD! YEAH!

craig took some photos of his face today too, aparrently. can't wait to get those suckers developed.

damnit wes, work until closing some day, wouldja? i need your friggin' picture.

and umm... oh! no homework!! SCORE ON THAT BABY! i'm just gonna go home, drink some tea and read one of my umpteen magazines, 'cause i'm amazing like that. well, or so i like to think sometimes.

i hate the fact that people think that celery and chicken salad go together. show me a diced chicken and i'll show you one that's perfectly happy without that green stalk of death. seriously. you CANNOT buy a chicken salad sandwich ANYWHERE sans celery. it disgusts me. you can get milk for the lactose intolerant, you can buy burgers without meat for vegans and you can buy fake egg stuff without cholesterol for those who feel so inclined.

WHAT ABOUT THE CELERY INTOLERANT??

it drives me mad.

"hello, i call to get my car fixed."

"just a moment and i'll put you through to service."

"no, no i need it fix now! the muffler fall off as i was driving down the road and i take it in to be fixed right now!"

"yes, okay. i'll put you through to service."

"NO! i need to get it fix! i will be there in 20 minutes, will you fix it for me?"

"yes. fine. i'll fix it for you."

"you will? what is your name?"

"just a moment and I'LL PUT YOU THROUGH TO SERVICE."

"no! no you do not understand! i am in leduc now and i want to leave this place. i hate it here. i need to get new muffler! i be there in 20 minutes!"

"I'M PUTTING YOU THROUGH TO SERVICE."

so i did. they can answer their own prank calls. that's not to say that it wasn't funny, because it totally was, it was just frustrating. one, because i really do have people call up who sound like that and yell at me for things like that, so i wasn't 100% sure that it was one of them, you know? that and my boss was around, so i couldn't really be like "yeah, you doorknobs, you're dumb, blah blah blah" and then hang up... 'cause yeah, he'd be like "don't let the door hit you in the ass" as he booted me out of here, you know? but it WAS funny!

i think i'm coming across as too cocky for my own good though. i mean, brad appreciates me... but he's a grown-up. wait a sec, they're all grown-ups!! but seriously, i'll say something along the lines of how great or wonderful or funny or good looking (or all of the above) and wes will just be all "yeah, you're funny all right lynsey" and kind of, uh, glare. I'M SORRY! its just a joke. damn. take me with a grain of salt. or a mine full, you know. either way.

i woke up WAY too early to do work that wasn't even due today. unimpressed? yeah, slightly. but i'm not in a bad mood... i think i'm caffiene addicted again though. 'cause i kind of was in a bad mood till i got my cappuccino. i usually only get addicted during the summer... and then i get those God-awful headaches when i go back to school and stop drinking it. where am i going with this? it doesn't really matter 'cause i think class is starting... or something along those lines.

JENN!!!! that was so exciting!!!

ohmigod i'm freaking tired. article will be finished in the morning.

dude, we need some fake id for the babe... someone help us out here!!!!

i feel so terribly posh. i've just had my hair done, i did my nails and i spent the afternoon reading my latest induglence, Q magazine, while drinking tea.

does that make me boring because what i just described wasn't?

and i would like to take this opportunity to say that I AM NOT SICK YET and i don't plan on ending up that way. ::knocks furiously on all the near by wood surfaces::

okay. i wish this friggin' cold would make its freaking mind up. i feel sick, i don't feel sick. i'm sleepy, but i'm not tired... ARRRGH!!!

so yeah. now i should finish that essay... so i can hand it out, like i was supposed to today.

REMINDER TO SELF: do laundry tonight. oral presentation tomorrow. pizza stains = bad impression

so its been a week. i've been thinking about you. no, really.

it was a fun week. i went to starbucks and i went to the mall... and i went to starbucks, have i mentioned that? i'm going to be turning into jeff before i know it.

i'm full again. i've gotta stop this no eating for 6 days and then gorging myself on sundays. its hard on my insides man.

and i feel better. kinda yeah. i do. 'cause... now its like not just "him", you know? there's other people out there. other smarter, better looking, MORE INTELLIGENT people.

and yeah, I'M BUYING A CAR. thanks kids.

too... much... food... going... to... explode...

oh yeah. my hair looks fucking wicked. l'oreal prefrence... unfortunately, i can't remember off of the top of my head what colour exactly. when i get home i'll let you know.

okay i lied. i'm blogging from work. shut up.

do you know what i really really really hate? no, really. people who lie. yes i'm a goddamned hypocrite, fuck off. i didn't ask you. i'm lying to myself, i'm saying things that i know aren't true simply 'cause i can. that and i didn't really ever intend to blog from work anymore... i just need to vent.

see, cancelling on plans isn't cool. i mean, granted, it happens. things come up all of the time that cause schedules to dirastically change. that is fine. but to cancel with one friend to hang with another... or with a significant other... NOT COOL HERE FOLKS. not at all. and i'm getting real fed up here. if they don't watch it, they'll be the only thing each other has left.

you know, i feel really really uncomfortable knowing that we have the internet at work now... well i mean, we had it before, just not on all terminals... but we have it on all terminals now... what if by some strange, twisted chance someone stumbles across this? and reads it? and figures something out or something? oh dear god, that cannot happen. therefore, there will be no blogging from work. no. 'cause yeah... whooooooooo

holy shiznit dudes, i think i'm getting high off of my hair dye fumes... 'cause this is some strong scented hair dye. the stuff i usually buy doesn't smell bad at all... almost pleasant in an artificial-fresh-air type of way. but this....

hopefully nobody gets pissed off that i'll be showering in the middle of the night.

off to finish my laundry....

i'm a slaaaaaave for you....

i could so be britney man. c'mon here.

tell leanne that she shouldn't be this peppy this early.

it scares me.

i'm cold and sleepy. but its okay, 'cause i'm not whining about it. in fact... its not a bad thing.

but tonight was a great night. we were SO busy at work, omg. it was insane. but it was a great work night... lol... for so so many reasons.

tomorrow's friday---who-hoo! fuschia underwear day!

its okay to wear the same jeans 2 days in a row... right? 'cause i am.

i mean, i just bought them. they're brand new. whatever. i'm going to.

mmmm broccoli cheese rice... and bloody hell, i need a better alarm clock. i had that thing friggin' set... and then i wake up this morning only to discover that english class had started... 20 minutes ago. whatever. its not my fault mom, i swear!

omg, i had THE BEST LUNCH EVER. i swear to you. it was this spinach and broccoli stuffed pizza... with ricotta, parmesan and some other kind of cheese... omg. incredible.

aaaaaaaaaaand yeah. yeah yeah yeah. 'twas a good day. then again, yesterday felt like a good day until i went to work. i have to go there again today. hopefully things have been straightened out 'cause i'm not dealing with that thing from the bitchy cockles of hell again. its NOT MY FRIGGIN' FAULT THAT PEOPLE ARE TOO DAMN STUPID TO PUT THINGS BACK WHERE THEY FOUND THEM. bastards.

yeah. perhaps i'll come back to visit after work. ::blows kisses::

went shopping today... went to class... cleaned up... and its not even 3:00 p.m.!! oh yeah

i hope i don't get in trouble at work today. i mean, i shouldn't seeing as how i left a note... but you never know.

i love my new jeans. love them love them love them! and my new underwear is really comfortable too. ::thumbs up to la senza::

aaaaand yeah. not too exciting. oh! i was worried for a minute---actually about 15 of them---that my english class boy wouldn't show up. but he did. he was just a bit late, that's all. that's okay though. i forgive him.

so yeah. its over. i was gonna have to break it off sometime... what better time than now, when we're not even together?

yes. oh yes. its going to be hard and there are going to be many many tears... but he'll just have to get over it.

::nods::

blogger.com should stop hating my sorry ass!!!!!

okay, now that that's out of the way... this always happens. i wake up with a hangover and i end up getting a cold. al-frickin'-ways! i need me some neocitran... 'cause i gotta leave for school right away. at least i'm not there all day though... 'cause yeah. its nice not to spend 546456465 hours before class at school for a change.